If I were to ask where happy cows come from, would you answer “California” like my teenaged son and my husband both did? When I inquired about how they know that, their reply was, “from the commercial.” If you watch television at all, you’ve probably seen that advertisement. It’s rather engaging, actually, because the cows are conversing and truly seem content. Since I was raised on a dairy farm in America’s Dairyland, I wonder if California has data to back up that claim. I think that our Wisconsin cows are happy, too. My brother, who still lives on the family farm, actually hired a cow psychologist some years back to advise him on ways to make the cows more comfortable. Happier cows, they figured, would produce more milk. I laughed, really, to think that such a job even existed and again, I have to ask for data. How can someone really support the claim that cows prefer to lie down on a slightly-elevated incline anyway?

I found the data I was looking for last August in an in-flight magazine aboard a Southwest Airlines flight. Not about the sleeping conditions that cows may or may not prefer, but research out of Newcastle University in the U.K. claims that cows who have names like Bessie or Elsie produce 68 more gallons of milk than their numbered, nameless sisters. Researchers studied the working relationship between farmers and dairy cows and found that farmers who gave their animals extra care saw an increased yield in milk production over a 10-month period. Those cows with names responded to the extra attention because, scientists believe, it improved their comfort levels as it lessened their fear of human contact. Turns out that happy cows are more productive cows. Maybe happy cows don’t just come from Calif., but from farms where the farmer purposefully connects with his cattle.

It’s not utterly out of the question, then, to conclude that happy students come from schools where faculty and staff members engage and connect with them, a place where we as educators create a climate in which students feel happy and are, therefore, more productive. Just like the cows reacted positively to being called by name, so our students feel a sense of belonging when we know them personally and understand who they are and what motivates them. Consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and you’ll remember that belonging is a student’s basic need, the one upon which everything else is built. In the classroom, it’s all about giving students the personal attention that they need to feel safe and ultimately be successful at learning. At Westwood Elementary, it starts every morning with greeting students at the door with a hug or a handshake to welcome them to their classroom and get a read on their emotional barometer. It’s a powerful way to start the day.

Another way to create that climate of caring is to hold class meetings. Whether you follow a scripted meeting like the Responsive Classroom Morning Meeting or simply conduct a sensitivity circle, when students have a chance to connect with one another and share their stories before starting into their academics for the day, it provides as critical a part of their morning as breakfast does for their launch into the day. Students need to be heard; that can happen appropriately in a class meeting or inappropriately in behaviors that aren’t conducive to classroom management. Giving students a platform for sharing their thoughts and feelings empowers them and prepares them for tasks that they’ll take on as the day progresses.

A third and vital key to creating a climate that’s conducive to productivity is giving students voice and choice. This can be done through inquiry learning, project-based learning, and service learning. Find out from students what they’re curious about, what they want to research, what problems they want to solve and weave those interests into curricular areas like reading, writing, and social studies. In the book Kids Make It Better, author Suzy Becker encourages students to take a look at problems in their world and come up with viable solutions. Some of the questions are serious: What would you do to help all of the people who don’t have homes? Others are self-reflective: Are you ever shy? When and Why? Some of the questions are speculative: What would you do for a bad economy? And others simply prompt sharing: What is your good news? But what they all have in common is a sample solution, followed by a lined page for scripting and a blank page for sketching the students’ solution. In the back, there’s an observation log as well as some action plan pages, allowing students to become solution-focused citizens in a creative, open minded, and curious way. When a teacher intentionally steps out of the traditional role and becomes a coach or facilitator, possibilities become realities and productivity skyrockets. What could you change today that would give students an authentic voice and choice in their learning?

Infusing meaningful movement into a student’s day is another great way to connect and increase productivity. Professor and author John Medina wrote all about it in his book Brain Rules. Physical activity, he claims, is cognitive candy. Because exercise boosts brainpower, students simply have to move to maximize their cognition. After reading about how exercise can actually trigger the tiny proteins known as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) and act like Miracle-Gro for the brain, I started walking the track with the students who requested counseling sessions. Exercise actually aids in executive functioning like concentration, impulse control, foresight, and problem solving. How might more movement impact and motivate your students?

Another way to raise productivity is to allow time for and help foster self-reflection. Teachers can promote critical thinking by asking students questions that do not have one correct answer. Ask them what amazed them about their experience or what they would do differently if they could change one thing. Encourage them to talk about their strengths and areas for growth as they relate to projects they’ve completed. Students will naturally begin to weigh the pros and cons of their answers and develop a greater understanding for why their answer makes sense. They love “thinking” questions. Ask them for their predictions and presumptions, speculations and suspicions, inferences and implications. Take them beyond Bloom and stretch them to reflect on how they can influence, impact, change and grow.

Do happy students come from my school, Westwood Elementary? We think so and we have some data to back up our claim. Our attendance rate consistently hovers at 97.2% and our discipline referrals have decreased by 65% over a five-year period. Teacher retention is high and survey data suggests that Westwood is a warm and welcoming place. 98.6% of our students surveyed agree that their teachers care about them and treat them with respect. Volunteers clock a collective 46.5 hours per day. Test scores on TAKS, our state-mandated assessment, remain Exemplary, the highest rating schools can earn. Do happy students come from your school? Intentionally create a culture of caring, mooooove over and let students take the lead, collaborate to personalize it and make it yours, then watch productivity soar.

Resources:
Brain Rules by John Medina
Kids Make It Better by Suzy Becker
Responsive Classroom www.responsiveclassroom.org
Southwest Airlines Spirit Magazine, August 2010

Barbara Gruener is the school counselor and character coach at Westwood Elementary in Friendswood, Texas, a National School of Character.  Barb is a seasoned presenter, offering dynamic sessions on how to improve your school’s character climate.  Find her here, at ncyi.org, and contact us to engage her for your next counselor training event!

Shoes come in all shapes and sizes, but for a pair to be a good fit, it has to be the right shape and size for your feet, right? That’s why it’s best to try on a pair of shoes before you buy it.

And that’s kind of how it works with friends, too. Friends should have the qualities, interests, and values that connect with you if they’re going to be a good fit. What do your students look for in a friend? Brainstorm a list and find out. For example, is it important that your friends be nice? Pretty? Truthful? Kind? Respectful? Wealthy? Responsible? Athletic? Smart? Ambitious? Generous? Thin? Musical? What other things can you think of that might (or might NOT) make a good fit for your students? Give them time to explain their answers; you may be fascinated at your findings.

And just like friends, there are shoes that are tricky-fit shoes. You know the ones, they seem to fit you in the store, but when you try them on the next morning, they hurt your feet and don’t fit at all. You may even give them a try, but you quickly find they leave blisters on your feet. What kinds of things do tricky-fit friends do that cause blisters in the friendship? Lie? Cheat? Steal? Break promises? Spread rumors? Gossip? Hit? Use mean words? Ask students what they do with tricky-fit shoes, then find out what they would do with a tricky-fit friend. List their answers and help them practice some healthy strategies for taking care of themselves.

One that I like to suggest is taking a friendship time-out.  We actually use our hands to make a T, signaling that we need a break, that something about the relationship isn’t working well right now, that we need a time-out. The T is a very empowering tool for a student who’s stuck in a yo-yo or tricky-fit relationship. What other gestures can students think of that might work? What other options do they have with tricky-fit friends? Finally, there are shoes that just don’t fit at all anymore. Teach your children that when friends go in a different direction and just don’t fit anymore, it’s okay to say good-bye and walk away. Role play how to do this with dignity and respect. These discussions are crucial to have and these skills important to practice as our littlest leaders learn to navigate socially through life and find good-fit friendships.

Need a good read about good-fit friendships? Check out these books:

Best Friends by Steven Kellogg

Being Friends by Karen Beaumont

Big Wolf and Little Wolf by Nadine Brun-Cosme

Don’t Need Friends by Carolyn Crimi

Duck & Goose by Tad Hill

Four Feet, Two Sandals by Karen Lynn Williams and Khadra Mohammed

Fox Makes Friends by Adam Rolf

Milo Armadillo by Jan Fearnley

Miranda Peabody and the Magnificent Friendship March by Susan Debell

Nacho and Lolita by Pam Munoz Ryan

Nuggest and Darling by Barbara Joose

Our Friendship Rules by Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif

The Sandwich Swap by Queen Rania

That’s What Friends Are For by Florence Parry Heide and Sylvia Van Clief

You Can Be A Friend by Tony Dungy

It’s been three, no four years since we had this conversation, but I can still see him sitting in the office and hear his little voice in my head:

Me: And are you being a flower or a weed today?

Student: A weed.

Me: And what do weeds do?

Student: They choke out the flowers.

Me: And what happens to weeds?

Student: They get sent to the Principal’s office.

And so it went with my sweet student as the Assistant Principal and I tried to teach him how best to bloom and grow in his first-grade classroom. Now imagine another conversation, this time with a much different specimen:

Me: Are you being a flower or a weed today?

Broadleaf: Both, actually.

Me: What do you mean by that?

Broadleaf: It’s complicated.

Me: Try me.

Broadleaf: I’m actually a weed disguised as a flower.

Me: So, which are you, a flower or a weed?

Broadleaf: Just think of me as a flowering weed.

I’d rather have a conversation with students like the former than the latter, because the latter confuse me. The broadleaf weed that hurricane Ike blew in two years ago blends in to the grass that you hardly even notice it, until it makes these pretty little white flowers, at which point it has spread like wildfire through the grass.

And so it is with students who bully. Their bullying behaviors spread like weeds. But it’s tricky, because sometimes the students who bully often present as pretty good kids or flowers to adults. It’s behind the scenes, covertly, that they’re causing so much damage.

So how do we combat broadleaf, I mean bullying? First, we have to identify it. Because of the gravity of the issue, we use R-I-P to define it. Aggressive, mean acts are called bullying behaviors when they’re:

R Repeated over time

I Intentional, on purpose

P Power imbalance created

Once bullying has been identified, we work with the bully to help shape and change the behavior. We also work with the victim to undo any damage that the aggressive behavior has caused and help him or her feel safe. We have to pull the broadleaf so the grass can be healthy and grow!

But there’s another group that we’ve been working with, just as diligently, and that’s the bystander. Data suggests that kids know that they should do something about bullying, they just aren’t sure what. So in our K-3 classes, we’re teaching our kids to be upstanders instead of bystanders. The powerful new book by Debbie Fox and Allan L. Beane, “Good Bye Bully Machine” calls them “allies.” If students see or hear bullying behaviors, allies go over in a group of three or four and scoop the victim out of the situation to a safer place. If the aggressor follows them, they head toward an adult for some assistance. We’ve been practicing this in guidance this week to equip and empower our littlest leaders to help combat bullying in our school.

And the broadleaf? Well, we’re scooping that out of our yard, too, one flower at a time.

Barbara Gruener is the guidance counselor at Westwood Elementary in Friendswood, TX, a 2009 National School of Character. Barbara speaks across the country, sharing practical strategies to infuse character integrally into the fabric of a school.

A. Affirm and appreciate your children.

B. Be firm, fair, and consistent.

C. Choose logical and natural consequences – positive or negative.

D. Decide together on your family’s values and mission statement.

E. Encourage your children to follow their dreams.

F. Forgive mistakes.

G. Give your children a secure environment.

H. Handle conflict with love – “care” front your children.

I. Initiate “I” messages: I feel ______ when you ______. I need _______.

J. Join (and enJOY) one another around the dinner table.

K. Keep your promises.

L. Love unconditionally.

M. Model good character.

N. Negotiate when you can to empower your children.

O. Open your mind to consider all of your options.

P. Pick your battles!

Q. Quit yelling and lecturing.

R. Read with your children.

S. Say you’re sorry when you mess up.

T. Treat your children with respect.

U. Understand that kids are a work in progress.

V. Voice your opinion, then listen to theirs.

W. Wait for your children to respond before repeating what you said.

X. Xplore eXtra-curriculars, but be careful not to over -eXtend them.

Y. Yearn to learn something new with your children, every day.

Z. Zone in on the needs of each child individually and the group collectively.

It is believed by many that the grief response experienced by children in a divorce situation is even worse than the death of a loved one. This may be due to the lack of closure in so many divorces.Acrimonious divorces continue to keep children’s lives unsettled. Children then feel caught in the middle of their parents’ battles. In general, children of divorce work through and accept their parents’ divorce to the degree that their parents regroup and go on with their lives. Parents are best advised to be very thoughtful of what their children need during and after the divorce.

The following are ten tips to create an environment for kids to heal from their parents’ divorce. Their lives will certainly be different, but they can be OK again with proper parent attitudes and behaviors.

1. Let kids know that they are loved by both parents.
2. Have regular and frequent contact by both parents.
3. Encourage kids to love and enjoy time with both parents.
4. Tell kids that what is happening is not their fault and that divorce is an adult problem.
5. Have parents listen and answer questions without getting into details of “adult issues.”
6. Allow kids to express their feelings in an honest and respectful way.
7. Protect kids from hearing arguments and negative comments about either parent.
8. Parents commit to respecting each other and getting along with each other while in the presence of kids.
9. Avoid putting kids in the roles of counselor, confidante, messenger, or spy for their parents.
10. Allow kids time to heal and seek out professional counseling help if needed.

Note: Safe Travels Through the Divide, by Tip Frank, is available from NCYI.

From my personal experiences and from my many years as an instructor in Death and Dying and Suicide Prevention and grief support group facilitator, I wish to shed some light on a few distinctions many people fail to consider when supporting a grieving friend or family member. The two areas I wish to discuss are anticipated death and sudden death and some of the different dynamics that go with each.

Many people consider anticipated deaths to be “good deaths,” providing the opportunity to say good bye and come to terms with the situation. This view ignores many logistical, financial, and emotional strains of terminal illness.

From my experience of my Mother dying from cancer, the logistical strains included needs and activities of my siblings, Father, and myself getting pushed aside. Needs such as meals, laundry, rides to school activities, missing parent-teacher conferences, etc. often must be ignored in favor of the needs or just because of the strain and stress on the family from this situation.

Financial duress from medical costs and/or insurance copays can and frequently does put a strain on family finances.

Emotional strains usually involve stress with the dying loved one. The physical, mental, and emotional deterioration of the dying person is highly stressful. The inability to change the situation is both frustrating and frightening. There is also a fear of not knowing the degree of intensity you may react emotionally at the time of your loved one’s death. Some family members may experience guilt over their inability to tolerate being around their dying loved one and some may feel guilty for not being available twenty-four seven. A teen in my grief support group once said “I didn’t want to spend much time with my Mother while she was dying. Seeing her condition get worse was scary. I didn’t know what to do or say so I tried to ignore her. I feel terrible about this now.”

In examining the logistical, financial, and emotional strains of a dying loved one on the family, it becomes quite clear that the greatest time of need for supporting this family is at the time of diagnosis. My family was fortunate to have the support of a family who from the time of diagnosis to long after the death gave us their support and understanding. I thank God everyday for these precious friends and do my best to pass on this care and concern to other grieving families. In many cases however, most of the support for these families (although needed and I am sure appreciated) comes at the time of death.

As caring friends supporting a grieving person or family, we must not compare the difficulty of anticipated death to sudden death. Both are very difficult and many different dynamics are present which affect the grieving person as he/she enters the grief cycle. People grieving the sudden death of a loved one usually are in the shock and denial stage longer following the death which delays entry into their grief work. People whose loved one died an anticipated death tend to be farther along into the grief cycle six months after the death.

Sudden death is also very scary and the surviving loved ones may develop a loss of sense of the world as a safe place. Fear of the unknown future can lead to panic attacks and possible trauma. Emotional depletion for as long as three months after the funeral is common.

The mourning needs of individuals experiencing the emotional duress from the sudden death of a loved one include but are not limited to:

• Acknowledging the reality of the death
• Moving toward the pain of the loss – we must hurt to heal
• Remembering the person who died – remembering is healthy
• Must be helped to realize that all feelings are okay and need to be expressed
• Also must be helped to realize that not talking about the loss doesn’t make it go away
• Continue to receive support long after the tragic incident

Above all, when supporting and encouraging a grieving person it is important to trust our instincts. No one will know the right thing to say or do in every situation as many gray areas occur during the grief work for the grieving person. However, I strongly believe that when our hearts are right most of the things we say or do in response to these gray areas will be right. We are not able to give a cure but we can and must give care. Empathy, warmth, and acceptance are essential qualities as we support our friends and family members in great times of need.

Dave Opalewski is author of Confronting Death in the School Family, Understanding and Addressing Adolescent Grief Issues, Understanding and Addressing Children’s Grief Issues, and Answering the Cry for Help: Suicide Prevention/Education for Schools and Communities published by The National Center for Youth Issues. He can be reached by contacting The National Center for Youth Issues. (800) 477-8277.

As a father of two adopted boys whose biological father died, I have been in a position to learn a great deal about children and grief. The oldest boy was 21 months and the younger was two months in the womb. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that BOTH grieved his death. I met my now wife when the boys were 6 and 4 years old and we were married when they were 7 and 5. I adopted the boys and we have been very close since the time my wife and I started dating.

Along with this experience, I have worked closely with grieving people and facilitated support groups, I have seen how children are affected by the death of a family member and heard many beliefs that in actuality are damaging myths. The purpose of this blog is to examine a few very common myths about children and grief and to prevent further damage and heartache when a tragedy happens in their young lives.

• A child’s grief is short in duration – Experience has taught me that a young child’s grief experience may be as long, or possibly longer than many adults. Young children very often lack the vocabulary to express their sorrow and confusion. They don’t have life experiences to draw on to make any sense out of what happened. Many times the lack of life experiences causes great fear to go along with the confusion. All this can lead up to a long duration of frustrating grief experiences.

• Infants and toddlers are too young to grieve – Ask any widow or widower who have young children and most if not all will refute this myth. Physical and emotional bonding to parents begins immediately at birth. According to my wife, our oldest son who was 21 months old when his Father died knew shortly after the death that his father was missing. He asked for “daddy” often and in a short time span became very sad. The sadness stayed on his face for a few years after the death. When I started dating my wife, the youngest boy (2 months in the womb at the time of death) shared with me that he “missed daddy” in a very sad tone. The fact is, young children and toddlers DO grieve and they need comfort, time, understanding, and the security of the surviving parent. This can be a difficult challenge for the surviving parent as they become fatigued from their own grief over the death and many times don’t have the energy to reach to the child.

• I can help my child get over his grief – Grief is an experience you NEVER get over, but you CAN get through. The day a person gets over his/her grief is the day they don’t care anymore. Although you can never get over your grief, you can heal and move on with your life. Trying to “get over” one’s grief will lead to much frustration usually manifesting into depression causing several residual personal problems affecting the quality of one’s life. Grief is what it is. One must grieve in order to heal. However, there is a huge difference between getting over the grief and healing.

Dave Opalewski is author of Confronting Death in the School Family, Understanding and Addressing Adolescent Grief Issues, Understanding and Addressing Children’s Grief Issues, and Answering the Cry for Help: Suicide Prevention/Education for Schools and Communities published by The National Center for Youth Issues. He can be reached by contacting The National Center for Youth Issues. (800) 477-8277.

Here is there info:

As part of the National/State Schools of Character (NSOC-SSOC) awards program, the Character Education Partnership (CEP) gives Promising Practices awards to schools and districts in the United States and elsewhere for implementing unique and specific strategies in character education that exemplify one or more of CEP’s Eleven Principles. CEP showcases the selected practices on its website, where educators may browse the practice descriptions for ideas and strategies. In addition, CEP honors winners at its annual conference, the National Forum on Character Education, where they have an opportunity to share their practices with others. Award recipients receive a certificate in recognition of their work.

CEP encourages schools and districts that have developed and successfully implemented character education practices that work to apply for a Promising Practices award.

Applications must be submitted online by April 1, 2010 (date was extended from March 15) at CEP’s website: www.character.org. CEP posts the winners on its website in late May.

For more information about the 2010 application, visit CEP’s website or contact Lara Maupin, NSOC Associate Director, at lmaupin@character.org.

by Barbara Gruener

I saw the popular poster that reads – Your Attitude Is Contagious; Is Yours Worth Catching? – the other day at my son’s intermediate school and it got me to thinking about character. Could I swap the word character with attitude, I wondered?  I went to school that weekend and made a bulletin board in our school’s cafeteria that says: Our Character Is Contagious – Make Yours Worth Catching. But doesn’t the word contagious have a negative connotation? If I say you have an infectious smile, for example, is that a good thing? Isn’t an infection something we work hard to avoid? If I said that you’ve got Character Fever, would you have to stay home until the fever broke?

Silliness aside, I think there’s something to be said for spreading good character around. An effective way that’s done is through modeling. The power of the role model is so evident when we’re taking our daily moment of silence. If I’m silent with my head bowed and my hands folded, all those little eyes watching me instantly take that stance to observe that moment with me. I don’t have to shush them to get them quiet, I just have to get quiet myself. Would you call that contagious?

Knitting is contagious, too. When our younger students see the third graders knitting for service, they set a goal to be in the Knit Club when they get to third because their role models are doing it. The Go Green movement is also catchy and spreading like wild fire. When we throw our recyclables into a blue recycle bin instead of the trash can, our little conservationists are more likely to do so as well. What we encourage, we teach. How do our little ones best learn how and when to use manners?  Is it by hounding them to say “please” and “thank you” or by using manners ourselves?

What about the powerful simplicity of a smile? You’ve heard the adage, “If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.” How quickly do smiles spread? Try it and see. The Bucket Filling Movement has had transformational power at my school because affirmations and kind acts are totally contagious. Based on the book, Have You Filled A Bucket Today? By Carol McCloud, Westwood students have learned that when you say or do something nice to fill someone else’s invisible bucket, yours fills up, too.

Is character contagious at your school? In your home? In your community? If so, keep paying it forward. If not, what will you do to get a character outbreak sweeping through your world?

Barbara Gruener is the guidance counselor at Westwood Elementary in Friendswood, TX, a 2009 National School of Character. Barbara speaks across the country, sharing practical strategies to infuse character integrally into the fabric of a school.

With rising rates of obesity among our children, the health of this generation is threatened, and with it, the health of our nation. For the first time in history, young people today face a life expectancy shorter than that of their parents. But, solid information on nutrition, exercise and other healthy life habits–such as the information below–can help.

Food and Nutrition Information Center
National Agricultural Library/USDA
10301 Baltimore Blvd., Room 105
Beltsville, MD 20705-2351

The Food and Nutrition Information Center – a leader in food and human nutrition information dissemination since 1971. Provides credible, accurate, and practical resources for nutrition and health professionals, educators, government personnel and consumers. To link to this web site click here

Food Safety and Nutrition Information

Accessing food nutrition and safety information is important to all consumers. Especially with obesity quickly becoming a national problem. Consumers need access to reliable information and tools that can help keep the population healthy.

Food Science Central is a portal to different kinds of information about food science, food technology, and nutrition. This website also has information about biotechnology, toxicology, food packaging, and engineering.

Nutrition.gov is a clearing house for information from the US federal government. The information is on nutrition, eating healthy, exercise, and food safety.

If you are looking for specific information visit the FNIC Searchable databases.

Nutrient Data Laboratory provides information on food composition with nutrient information on over 5,900 foods.

Food and Nutrition Professional Organizations

American Dietetic Association

Interactive Nutritional Analysis Tools

Nutritional Analysis Tool

Protein Calculator

Carbohydrate Calculator

Government Websites

Food Safety

Kid’s Pyramid has information on the food pyramid.

Looking for snack ideas visit Snack Attack, a website sponsored by the Food and Nutrition Service of the USDA.

Quick Guide to Healthy Living

Dietary Guidelines for Americans 2005.

For food recall information, fact sheets on fish, fruits, and vegetables visit Consumer.gov.

Other Websites

If you are looking for place to eat healthy in a particular region visit Healthy Dining Finder.

Food Information Council (IFIC) Foundation provides dietary guidance for Americans.