by Dave Opalewski
Someone once stated that “as educators, teaching children isn’t as much as what we do as who we are.” Reading deeper into this statement two important beliefs can be inferred:
- Children are our Country’s most precious resources
- Educators can and do touch the future by making positive differences in the lives of children.
The major question we must address is does the present state of education in our country reflect these two important beliefs?
It is easy to point the finger at parents for not having their children “learning ready” as they enter preschool or kindergarten. It is also equally easy to place blame on parents for a void in children’s emotional development and a lack of values and social skills. Although many parents do a stellar job in raising their children, educational institutions are not excused of the responsibility of helping to develop every child’s heart as well as their minds. In fact, The Search Institute in their 40 Developmental Assets, (assets children need to become emotionally healthy) list 3 assets all educators need to be aware of:
Asset #3 – “Children need support from 3 or more nonparent adults” – Most of these adults tend to be teachers.
Asset # 5 – “Caring school climate” – The school needs to provide a caring and encouraging environment.
Asset # 24 – “Bonding to school” – The young person cares about his/her school.
From these three assets we must conclude that children from sound homes still need the emotional and social developmental skills schools must model and value. We can also see the role schools must play in developing the whole child.
Although it is of no value to assign blame, the following questions needs to be asked; “Is our present educational system becoming guilty of not meeting children’s needs by focusing on demands forced on it by the “No Child Left Behind” legislation? By concentrating on getting students to pass a state assessment test are educators failing to present students’ opportunities to develop healthy emotional and social skills through developing community in the classroom and school environments? Although academic knowledge and skills are very important, the focus seems to be on developing children’s minds and little if any time is left for developing the heart. As a result, opportunities for children to learn about and discuss social and emotional issues facing them in the classroom have become rare. Thus, the chance for children to become emotionally healthy, well rounded and productive citizens are lessened. The following short list of recent statistics can be strong evidence for this point:
- Approximately 80% of students entering school feel good about themselves. Only 20% do after the 5th grade. (National Parent Teachers Association)
- 62% of U.S. adolescents claim that suicide is a common thought to them. (Michigan Association of Suicidology)
- Suicide has increased 124% in the 10 to 14 age group the last 10 years. (Michigan Association of Suicidology)
- The high school dropout rate was still around 20% at the ending of the 2007-2008 school year. (National Center for Educational Statistics)
- High school dropouts are more likely to be involved in crime. (Lochner & Moretti 2004)
- It is estimated that 10 million females in the U.S. have eating disorders (National Eating Disorders Association)
The point must be made that this is a short list of issues facing our children. Additional issues such as bullying, divorce, parental unemployment, poverty, etc. create the need for providing healthy emotional development opportunities for our students.
In 1983 Rudolph Flesch reprinted his book, “Why Johnny Can’t Read.” This book was a shocking wake-up call for educators and parents. It brought to light that we were quickly becoming an illiterate society and the devastating price we will pay if things don’t change. “The 5 Additional R’s” is a wake-up call of equal or even greater degree. One must ask of what value will knowledge be to us if we as a society are emotionally unstable and socially uncooperative? We can’t and should not try to separate the mind from the heart.
Although the educational system can’t be and shouldn’t be blamed and held totally responsible to solve these issues, educators must believe that they can be a positive factor in helping children deal with their issues and develop resiliency skills. Just like quality environments lead to healthy lives, quality educational environments lead to quality lifelong educational opportunities for children.
The good news is teachers already have the tools to create quality classroom environments which develop children’s hearts as well as their minds. No requisitions have to be filled out or additional money needs to be spent. Additional classes don’t need to be added to the existing curriculum. “Who we are as educators” means we are people who love children and adolescents and are dedicated to their happiness and success in life both inside and outside of the classroom. It also means we recognize a strong sense of urgency in getting the focus back on developing the whole child; emotionally, socially, as well as academically.
By Dave Opalewski
Excerpts from “Answering the Cry for Helpâ€
As I travel the country to educate parents, educators, youth caretakers, and students about suicide prevention, I keep close track of questions and concerns of my audiences. Â I have compiled a list of 10 most frequently asked questions. Â Although the questions are sincere and may seem elementary, they need to be answered with careful thought. Â The following is a list of the questions and some suggestions to how they may be addressed if you are confronted with similar concerns:
“When I hear you speak, you use the term “complete†suicide instead of “Commit†suicide.  Why?â€
I learned from my SOS (survivors of suicide) support groups that when they hear the word “commit†they related that to their loved one committing a crime.  They tell me people “commit†murder, bank robberies, etc.  They shared with me that they are offended when people refer to their loved one as “committing†suicide.  Completed is a more sensitive and appropriate term.
“Won’t I put ideas in kids’ heads by talking about suicide?â€
The National Association of Suicidology adopted a statement at their 2001 national conference that “Suicide is a national health problem.  The number one preventative measure is to talk about it.† The willingness to address the issue is seen as admirable and is appreciated by most teens.  In this day and age, teens are under tremendous pressure.  They appreciate caring adults who are willing to help them tackle the tough issues of life, and suicide is obiviously one of these issues.
“If I am talking to a person who at the time seems to be suicidal, should I come right out and ask him if he is thinking about suicide?â€
YES!  In my experiences, whenever I asked a person if they were considering suicide, I sensed a great sigh of relief in the person.  It was like they were saying “FINALLY, somebody is willing to talk with me about this.† Even when I prefaced the question with “You know, I can’t keep this confidential if you say ‘yes’,†it still did not stop them.â€
“There are so many adolescent suicides.  What is wrong with today’s kids?â€
You are asking the wrong question.  It’s not what is wrong with today’s kids.  It is what is wrong with society.  Please don’t lay the blame for the adolescent suicide epidemic on the adolescents.  This is the wrong attitude.  People with this attitude will most probably do more harm than good in working with people in crisis.  Society isn’t listening to their cry for help and doesn’t know how to respond to this epidemic.
“Isn’t depression a result of a character flaw?  Maybe if the person made better decisions they wouldn’t be depressed?â€
Although I agree that bad decisions have negative consequences and depression may be one of them, it is well documented that depression is a medical condition caused by an imbalance of brain chemistry. Â When we look at depression as a medical condition instead of a character flaw, we develop the proper attitude in dealing with the depressed individual. Â This individual may be depressed, but she is still very alert to our attitude. Â A positive attitude will be of paramount importance as we interact with the individual.
“How is grief from suicide different than grief from death of other causes?â€
Suicide is a sudden death which many times can induce trauma and traumatic reactions.  It is in most cases a more violent death.  There also tends to be more guilt and anger with the survivors of suicide than death from other causes.  I call it the “I could of, should of, would of†syndrome.  These issues compound the grief process.
“Can I scare kids out of suicidal thoughts?â€
NO!!!  Reverse psychology id a BAD idea.  Think about this:  You are depressed and share your thoughts about suicide with a person who you think will help; he says back to you; “just go and kill yourself.† Instead of scaring you out of the suicidal episode, he just convinced you that “I am right.  Nobody does care.† Think of the remorse you would feel if this person in crisis took your advice.
“I have read claims that some medication meant to help depression can actually be a factor or cause of suicide.  Is medication dangerous?â€
I have seen medication as a positive component to treatment of depression and other behavior disorders.  I don’t have enough information to refute the claims of these reports, but medication has been critical for the treatment of many depressed teens I have worked with.  These treatments have been proven effective when closely monitored under a doctor’s supervision.  I do want to emphatically state however, that medication is only one component of treatment.  Counseling and therapy are also of critical importance as well as diet, activity, and exercise.
“What are the most important things to teach teens while helping a friend in suicidal crisis?â€
I believe that there are two extremely important principles we can teach teens to help a friend in suicidal crisis.  First is to not keep the friend’s crisis a secret.  This being said, we need to teach the helping teen to either go with his friend to a responsible adult for help, or if the friend won’t go with him, go to a responsible adult with the information and have them promise to get help immediately.  Will the friend in crisis be upset?  Probably.  But he will be alive and when he recovers he will realize the courage it took for his friend to break confidentiality and seek out help.  The second thing we can do is teach them that if their friend is in an acute crisis, don’t leave her alone until she is in the care of a responsible adult.
“What have been some of the worst things that could be said to a teen in suicidal crisis?â€
The worst thing said would have to be the reverse psychology line of “just go and do it.† The others include the following:
“These are the best years of your life.† When you tell a depressed person that they are currently in the best years of her life, what hope does she have for the future?  You may
very well be communicating that things will not get any better.
“You have your whole life ahead of you.† The depressed person may very well hear you saying that he has to be miserable his whole life.  Once again, the depressed person is not given any hope, only continuing discouragement.
“If you think you have problems now, wait to you become an adult and have the pressures of raising a family, a job to go to and bills to pay, etc.†Once again, we give the depressed person no hope for things to get better.
I believe these ten questions are an accurate snapshot of the knowledge about suicide of our general society. Â Educating our society about these key issues is of utmost importance if we are to make a difference against the fastest growing killer of our most precious resources; our children.By Dave Opalewski
Excerpts from “Answering the Cry for Helpâ€
As I travel the country to educate parents, educators, youth caretakers, and students about suicide prevention, I keep close track of questions and concerns of my audiences. I have compiled a list of 10 most frequently asked questions. Read more
